


The Bells

by Ryu_ookami



Series: Nursey Rhymes Revisited [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, Nursery Rhymes, Twisted Nursery Rhymes, Weirdness, plot bunny bite me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-06
Updated: 2013-09-06
Packaged: 2017-12-25 18:24:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/956273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ryu_ookami/pseuds/Ryu_ookami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nursery rhymes expanded into stories.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Bells

“Next!”

The official looked up as the tired old man entered his office and took a seat opposite him across the desk. He sniffed if he didn't know better he would swear he could smell alcohol.

“Ah so you know why you're here?”

“Yeah, you're calling everyone in because your a busybody.” the old man replied as he slouched in the chair taking a hip flask out of his jacket pocket and taking a swig.

“Yes, well you're actually here because of several statements you've been heard to make.” The official smiled trying to project a friendly manner.

The old man snorted “and you can cut out the friendly act. A busybody you are and a busybody you'll remain.”

“Well, I'm told the that you claim that the bells of St Clements speak to you?”

“Yeah and?”

The official wrote several notes on a piece of paper in front of him. “May I ask what they say?”

“You can ask.” The old man had no intention of helping in any way, shape or form.

The official sighed. “What do the bells say to you?”

“Oranges and lemons."

"Pardon?"

"Oranges and lemons" The old man repeated, "its what the bells of St. Clement's say to me."

The official made several more notes.

"Right and do any other bells....speak to you?" 

The official paused not really expecting an answer.

"Yes."

"Yes?" came the slightly bemused reply.

"Yeah, other bells speak to me."

"May I ask which ones and what they say?" the official by this point was starting to regret getting out of bed.

"There’s the bells of St. Martin's, the bells of Old Bailey, the bells of Shoreditch, the bells of Stepney." 

The old man paused counting the bells in his head. "Oh and the Great bell of Bow."

The old man leaned forward and whispered, "but I don't pay any attention to him. He's pretty much useless." The old man finished and sat back and smiled at the official smugly.

The official meanwhile was scribbling everything the old man was saying down on a piece of paper in front of him.

"And what do these," the official paused looking for the right words "bell entity’s say to you" he finished disbelieving the way the entire conversation was going.

"Well, St. Clement's, she just keeps going on about fruit" the old man nodded and then continued "St. Martins he keeps demanding payment for the fruit. The old Bailey seems to be starting a legal issue because he's also demanding payment for the fruit. I'm not too sure who actually owns the fruit to be honest."

The man paused and took another sip from his hip flask. The official seemed to be having some sort of fit as he kept pushing a button on his desk. The old man ignored him and carried on with his monologue. "The Bells of Shoreditch seem to be offering to pay for the fruit on some sort of hire purchase scheme, the bell of Stepney seems to be offering the hire purchase scheme but he wants the finer details worked out first."

The old man paused again watching as the official was now pounding his fist up and down on the button . He sighed and continued, "and the Great bell of Bow claims not to be a grass as he knows nothing."

The official paused, "From the reports that I've received they told you all of this when you were carrying a candle to your bedroom whilst carrying a machete."

"That’s right." The old man smiled the busybody might not be to bad he seemed to understand.

The official gestured behind the old man. 

The old man turned to see two police officers standing there.

Looking back at the official the old man tilted his head in a questioning gesture.

"These two nice policeman are going to take you somewhere where you can have a hot meal and a bath and a nice long nap isn't that nice." 

From the way the old man was currently struggling in the policeman’s grasp he didn't seem to think so. 

The official looked down at his paper, taking a copy he passed it to one of the officers. "Here's my report and the documents for his commitment to the nearest Psychiatric facility. Watch him he's as nutty as a loon, carries a machetes to bed and hears voices. The two policeman dragged the old man away, after a moment the official looked up and shouted. 

"Next!"

 

*****

 

Oranges and lemons,  
Say the bells of St. Clement's.  
You owe me five farthings,  
Say the bells of St. Martin's.  
When will you pay me?  
Say the bells of Old Bailey.  
When I grow rich,  
Say the bells of Shoreditch.  
When will that be?  
Say the bells of Stepney.  
I do not know,  
Says the great bell of Bow.  
Here comes a candle to light you to bed,  
And here comes a chopper to chop off your head!


End file.
